not quite writer's block...

One of my goals for February was to rewrite the sections of Blood Song that pertained to anything military. I made the decision to have the MC's husband (Joey) be reserves instead of active duty. This lessened the amount of time he was seen by military, and would allow for a more realistic progression (actually I guess it would be digression since it is getting worse) of his PTSD without having the military superiors intervene.

I'll admit to being less than motivated. These parts never held my interest but I felt it necessary to the plot to show his downward spiral and it's effects on Izzy (MC). I finished up a rough rewrite of two short chapters last night and combined them into one longer one. Is one long chapter enough to sum that up though? Should I try to write more? I don't think it needs more, adding that is. The whole WIP needs editing and polishing, and *gasp* cuts???

My conundrum is this...

I don't know what to do from here. I feel stuck. I have just over 80K words (or roughly 270 pgs) so far, with plenty of minor holes to fill in. It's very overwhelming. Should I start from the beginning and fill in any holes? Should I tighten up major parts first? Go back to the first parts I wrote to improve them (yes I realize they aren't as good as they could be :) )????

I DON'T KNOW!!!

Part of me wants to hand it to someone, preferably a genius writer, and say "here, could you uh- ya' know, do something with this. I dunno, just fix it. Thanks." But then I wouldn't have done it myself and they would muck it up somehow. It just wouldn't be the way I want it to be, and I'd still be unhappy.

I guess it boils down to the fact that at the moment I'm having a wee bit of trouble seeing the forest for all these damn trees! My obstacles are everywhere; self doubt, not enough sleep, not enough time, work, kid's school, bath time, play time, cooking, cleaning, blah, blah, blah.

Deep breath in...and out...whew. Sorry, I just needed to vent a second.

Some days I write shit. And some days I write really good shit. And that, as Stuart Smalley says, is okay. Cause I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it people like me.